I thought I wanted his love, but really I wanted his pity. I wanted to quit. But he wouldn't let me. "A good doctor can cure your illness, but only the greatest doctor can show you you were never sick," Roshi has said.

Shozan Jack Haubner in Zen Confidential: Confessions of a Wayward Monk

About Shozan Jack Haubner

Shozan Jack Haubner is the pen name of a Zen monk who has written two books and a number of essays for The Sun, Tricycle, Buddhadharma, Lion's Roar and the New York Times, and the Best Buddhist Writing series. He won the Pushcart Prize in 2012. Haubner's books, portions of which have been excerpted in essays, present partially fictionalized accounts of life with Kyozan Joshu Sasaki and associated Rinzai-Ji zen centers.

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